The beginning of April we headed out to Utah, the kids and I, to spend some time with family and friends while TJ was off on hitch (work for two weeks straight). We really hesitated on going out before we found out because we knew we had big expenses coming with the birth of a baby. BUT we decided we wanted to create these memories with Eva and have others get to meet who Eva is- even though she is just a blob of belly attached to me ;)
We arrived and already were so so busy with going to places. One of the big things Marley wanted to do was to go see Beauty and the Beast, go to Costco, and visit Ken Garff our car dealership while we were in town. (I know, two out of three are super odd- but she is 3) I am happy to report we actually made it to all three things! The first day we were there we had purchased the tickets to see Beauty and the Beast but she fell down the stairs and no longer wanted to go. She said the only thing that would cheer her up was to go to Costco. So we canceled the tickets for that evening and went to Costco instead! Ha, for real....she was so thrilled. I am glad that Eva gets to know that Marley LOVES Costco and that it really cheered her up. She must thing Marley is one odd duck ;)
I made it a priority to make sure that Eva got to attend a Jazz game. Being a born Jazz fan and coming from a Jazz fan family, I knew it was important she got to experience a Jazz game. What a game to attend too! Oh goodness, I knew she was extremely excited like the arena because she would just not sit still! The kids are true Jazz fans as well and enjoyed each moment. Corbi is SO intense and loves the enthusiasm. He even would yell "Go Jazz!" a ton when things were getting so heated from excitement. It was so nice to have this special experience with not just my kids but with my siblings. It meant so much to be able to have these special memories. Even the kids will get to remember this event and they got to share it with Eva as well.
The next night we had a VERY special dinner put together for Eva and I. I wanted to find a way to celebrate Eva's life while she was still with us. I have fun memories of baby showers for my kids and I wanted to have this special time to create the memories I needed (along with the kids) to remember Eva and all the people that love her dearly. It was such a lovely dinner and I felt so much love and I know Eva did too. I have such amazing family and friends who made the sacrifice to take a night out of the week to come help celebrate. I wont go into the thank-a-monies but I am so grateful for so many amazing women in my life who have helped me so much along the way.
I am very grateful that we have so many fun and crazy memories of this in picture form too, because I will cherish them all for the hard times to come.
We spent the rest of the trip being super busy and making more memories with loved ones, it was a very delightful time and I am so glad we have these memories to cherish.
When we got home it was time to have another check up on Eva. This time the kids got to come along with TJ and Kimber! She was being stubborn and didn't move around much in order to get a good picture of her. She has grown another pound or so and is almost up to 4 pounds! This might mean that I might have another big baby like the other two. Which is super funny because some babies only get up to 5 pounds or so. I was so worried she would be too tiny for things we have for her but if she is anything like the other two-and she is- than she is going to be a big chunk. As odd as that is to say, I want to be as normal as possible and having the possibility that she will weigh more than 5 pounds is exciting for me.
I am starting to get more uncomfortable and swelling but it is different from the previous two, and when we did the ultrasound, Kerri found that I have extra fluid; not enough to be of a big concern yet but its enough to start the discomfort. This can be normal with these babies due to not being able to have proper organ function or other things wrong with them. We already knew that Eva has something wrong that doesn't allow her to swallow. Last appointment she was doing so good and this time something is a bit off. Her kidneys are still working and she has a full bladder but beyond that we have no idea why I am retaining more amniotic fluid. The doctor mentioned that she could be struggling on the swallowing again.
After all the checking and discussing on how the ultrasound went we started getting into the talk of induction. What intervals we wanted to do monitoring, and the date, etc. This was really hard as it really set in with me, discussing the monitoring meant we were not going to be monitoring the full time, but trying to determine how often and the unfortunate discussion of if we want to know if she passes before birth. It never gets easier. Its always hard to think when her last moment of life will be, and I pray that it wont be during the laboring process- but every moment I have had with her has been a blessing in itself so I am grateful for this time. So if that means she needs to go before we actually get to meet her, then so be it. But I think I carry enough stubborn genes that she has some in her too to hold on and make it to birth, because she has her daddy and brother and sister who are so eager to get to meet and know her, even for the short time in this life.
Its become more real as we have finalized the date and time to start our final journey with Eva. Her birth and death. We have had this date in mind and spoken it a few times but to actually have it in a computer system in the hospital is.....too real. Because I know the only remainder of Eva after that day will be in our hearts, no more rolling and moving inside of me, no more kicking her brother when he sits on my lap, no more belly kisses from my sweet Marley. We will only have the memories, and I pray that the kids will have a memory of their sister even for being at such a young age. I hope that she will visit them and remind them of her, just like we will. I know this day was bound to come, but it has never made any of this easier.
I know that Eva has made an impact on my life and the life of others, it always helps me to hear that Eva has changed others as well, because it means that for whatever purpose we have to go through this, there is a ripple effect.
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